it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
