Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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