my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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