Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize