LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
