woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i now understand why vodka
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize