I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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