Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
