When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
