DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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