He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
