Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
