I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize