i just had sex bonerless
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
