You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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