Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
