I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
