You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
