Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
