Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
