so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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