worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
