Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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