I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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