Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
