Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
