oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
