I wish my penis had an off switch
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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