$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
