I love black thongs
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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