I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ok first of all what the fuck
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
