What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize