is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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