Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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