If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we're making bets on your personal life
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
