When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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