If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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