did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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