Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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