Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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