Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
