your parents love me but you hate me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
