i used baking grease as lip gloss
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
