I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
