I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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