just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
