thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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