Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
