he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
there is glitter all over my balls
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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