I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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