Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
