He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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