Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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