My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize