I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
