Kiss
Puke
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
