i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
