some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
