every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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