My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
