We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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