Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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