he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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