my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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