that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
