ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
